At a birthday party
Since the day she had rejected Kyelse, Mitina, and Zeffen’s urging, had decided to return to the lodgings she had been staying at.
As for work, he tried to carry on as usual. However, since Kyelse and he worked nearby, he was worried that they might meet by chance and it would be awkward. However, thanks to Zeffen’s consideration, he was able to avoid such an incident.
At first, it felt like she was avoiding Kyelse, and Mitina couldn’t help but feel anxious, wondering if she was hurting him again.
When I honestly told Zeffen about it, he kindly said:
“I think Kyelse also needs some time alone to think things through. Whatever the situation, it’s important to take some distance from others and think things through in a calm place sometimes.”
Although she was confused as to whether this was really the case, Mitina felt that she was gradually becoming calmer and able to face herself in the quiet life she was accustomed to.
Just like that, a while had passed since I returned to the life I had before I was engaged to Kyelse.
She ended up attending Istaria’s birthday party as scheduled. No matter how awkward it was to meet Kyelse, she couldn’t just turn down an invitation from Istaria for such personal reasons. That’s what she thought.
In the evening, when the sun had already set, Mitina headed to the venue in her usual uniform. To be honest, she wondered if she would be allowed in dressed like that, but she was allowed in without any problems.
She let out a small sigh as the hall shone brightly, a stark contrast to the dim light outside. Hoping not to bump into Kyelse, her gaze wandered around the group of guests searching for her. However, from what she could see, the platinum-haired man who stood out so well did not seem to be there.
(If I were to dress like this at such a special celebration… Kyelse-dono would surely be angry.)
She would naturally think of Kyelse and smile sadly. Just as Zeffen had told her, Mitina had been thinking carefully about her own feelings, but this was something she continued to do every day.
After she separated from him, Mitina’s appearance gradually began to lose its former beauty.
I would work late into the night, eat a cheap meal on the way home, take a bath and sleep like a log when I got home. But strangely, I started having trouble falling asleep more and more often.
Now, she felt like she understood what Kyelse had meant when she said that she couldn’t sleep well without Mitina beside her. The warmth of someone just a reach away must have given her comfort as well.
(…Let’s hurry and go say hello to Lady Istaria.)
If it were permitted, I would have just exchanged greetings and congratulations and then left.
Even now, living without Kyelse and realizing how much she missed him, she still didn’t know if the feelings she had towards him were what he really wanted, or what she should talk about when she met him.
It seems that the main character, Istaria, is still preparing her dress and makeup. Mitina, who was informed of this, was guided by a servant at the venue.
Leaving the venue, I stepped inside the mansion and walked through the spacious interior. The mansion I lived in with Kyelse was spacious, but the size of the Istaria mansion was incomparable to that.
(I wonder if Kyelse-dono’s family home is this big… hmm? But her parents have already passed away, so… I wonder where Kyelse-dono spent her time before living in that mansion.)
Thinking about this, he couldn’t help but sigh. He realized that he really had no interest in Kyelse before, and this made him feel even more guilty.
After walking for a while, following the directions, I arrived at a room and a servant called out to me. Then, Istaria’s voice came.
“You may come in.”
When Mitina enters the room at her urging, she finds Istaria there, beautifully dressed. Mitina is captivated by her.
(She really is beautiful… Lady Istaria is picturesque next to Kyelse.)
“Mitina! You came.”
Although he’d shown a rather dangerous side to her the last time they met, Istaria welcomed him without any sign of concern.
“Happy birthday, Lady Istaria. I’m sorry I’m dressed like this.”
“Oh my goodness, it’s true.”
(That’s true.)
“He used to be a hunting dog, but now he looks like a stray dog.”
(A stray dog…)
Istaria was as forthright as ever, and I couldn’t help but smile wryly.
Still, calling her a stray dog wouldn’t be far off. Ever since she was no longer able to be looked after by Kyelse, Mitina’s appearance had certainly become shabby.
“Although I may look like this, I still have feelings of congratulations to Lady Istaria… Yes, truly. Thank you for taking an interest in someone like me.”
“You seem to have become quite pitiful, even in spirit.”
“Ahaha… that may be true.”
As Mitina greeted her subserviently, Istaria folded her arms in thought for a moment. Then she smiled sweetly and took Mitina’s hand.
“You’re going to celebrate my birthday.”
“Yes, of course.”
“In that case, I’ll take today’s role as the star of the day… hehehe.”
“?”
Seeing Istaria laughing with amusement, she somehow got a bad feeling. However, she couldn’t refuse and remained quiet, and she smoothly took off Mitina’s jacket.
“fart?”
“Let’s get changed, Mitina. Please wear the clothes I chose for you.”
“Ahh…”
Come to think of it, he had said something like that, remembering their previous conversation, Mitina gave a wry smile.
After having her body wiped down to the bare minimum and her hair combed, Mitina, with the help of a maid, slipped into a dress. Istaria, whose aesthetic sense rivaled Kyelse’s, had of course picked out a dress that suited Mitina well, one that wasn’t too flashy and had intricate embroidery.
“Something as expensive as this…”
“It’s fine. With this, I’ll show Kyelse her lesson.”
“…”
While thinking that her battle with Kyelse was still continuing, Mitina lowered her head, wondering if she would have to face Kyelse if she put on this dress.
Seeing this, Istaria lowered her eyes slightly and asked in a gentle voice.
“Did you get into a fight with Kyelse?”
“Eh? That’s not the case…”
No matter how he tried to explain it, the scene he had shown Istaria last time was clearly the moment a fight broke out. Also, from Mitina’s change, she seemed to have read what had happened.
“Kyelse is also a troublesome girl. She’s stubborn and not very honest, and she always talks down to others, which is why people avoid her, but she thinks that everyone is only in awe of her because she’s beautiful and talented.”
As expected of a childhood friend, Istaria knew Kyelse very well. Her words brought a smile to Mitina’s face, but her expression quickly darkened.
“She’s not like that. Kyelse-dono is a very kind and wonderful person.”
“Oh, so that’s what it looks like from Mitina’s point of view.”
“I won’t deny that he has some personality problems, but there’s more to him than that.”
As he spoke of Kyelse in a very positive manner, Istaria blinked with a puzzled look on her face. Mitina became anxious, thinking that she had said something strange, but the next moment Istaria was smiling.
“So, Mitina also likes Kyelse.”
“Huh…why would you think of something like that? It’s weird.”
“That’s not strange. It’s true that Kyelse isn’t a hopeless idiot, but a normal person would find it tiring to be associated with him.”
Being with Kyelse is tiring. Mitina nodded in agreement. He was a germaphobe and probably quite sensitive, so it would be impossible to get along with him unless you had a very generous heart.
However, before she knew it, Mitina no longer felt that being with him was exhausting. Rather, she must have felt a sense of comfort being close to him.
“Plus, what you said earlier seemed like you got angry because someone said something bad about Kyelse.”
“I’m not angry. I think it’s true… but”
Just as she was about to say that she had simply wanted to convey Kyelse’s virtues, Mitina realized.
When she first started living with Kyelse, she only noticed his problems and found him to be a man she didn’t like. Even back then, she had come to understand Kyelse’s good points, but more than that, her obsessive-compulsive nature and arrogance had irritated her, and she had often found him troublesome.
(But now… rather than thinking of him as a troublesome man, the impression that comes to mind is that he is a wonderful person.)
Even though I had disliked him so much, now I naturally wanted people to see his good points rather than his flaws.
He values his pride as a knight more than anyone else. He has the patience to endure anything for that. He spares no effort for his ideals. He is willing to give his all for the things he holds dear.
It seemed like there was no end to the things she could mention. Seeing how she had changed made Mitina realize just how long and intense the time she had spent with him had been.
“I like it, huh…”
“yeah?”
“No… but I still don’t really understand it.”
I miss Kyelse.
But those feelings were born from memories of wanting to eat his cooking, of him unexpectedly not being a bad conversationalist, of wanting him to take good care of me again, etc. It was more like a spoiled, dependent feeling than love.
It was different from Kyelse’s, who had poured her feelings out to her so strongly and intensely. As Zeffen had told her to, she had continued to think about it, and that was the conclusion she had come to.
“Indeed, it may be difficult for Mitina.”
“…The captain also told me that it would be difficult for me. What does that mean?”
”You don’t understand love or romance.” It seemed that she was being viewed that way, and Mitina frowned in a slightly sulky mood.
Although, the fact that she hadn’t noticed Kyelse’s appeal at all made it clear that she was insensitive.
“Because Mitina doesn’t seem to have much of a will of her own.”
“Your will is weak…”
“I guess you could say she’s insensitive to her own feelings… She doesn’t seem to have any material desires. I think Mitina can’t see herself.”
In response to Istaria’s comment, Mitina lowered her eyes slightly.
All this time, Mitina had been ignoring her own hopes and desires, and had prioritized things that were more important than them. In the process, she had probably become completely insensitive to her own feelings.
–Your money-centered, self-ignoring mindset is the problem! Do you understand that?
Suddenly, he remembered what Kyelse had said when she had scolded him. And for some reason, a smile naturally formed on his lips.
“I’ve been neglecting myself all this time.”
“You’re the complete opposite of Kyelse.”
“surely”
Mitina, who treated him with contempt, was the stark contrast to Kyelse, who highly praised and cherished her. It was probably because of this that he noticed Mitina’s actions, which could be described as desperate, and became angry.
“…As expected, Kyelse-dono is a kind person.”
“See? When you talk about Kyelse like that, Mitina is like a girl in love.”
“Eh… is that so?”
“Hehe, that’s right. It matches perfectly with my dress.”
Istaria compliments her, saying that it suits her well, and Mitina becomes interested in it.
When I first went shopping with Istaria, she said she hated knights, so I wondered why she was being so nice to me.
“Why do you take an interest in me, Lady Istaria? You probably don’t like knights.”
When I asked that, Istaria laughed sweetly, as if to say that it was a strange question.
“Knights talk about suppressing their true selves and serving their lord as if it were a virtue. They keep their appearances clean and never show any weakness.”
“Well, that’s how it is.”
“Exactly. That’s what annoys me. But Mitina doesn’t seem to be a knight out of pride or loyalty, and I love her because she’s not afraid of anyone.”
“Oh, thank you.”
In other words, Istaria must be resentful of knights who are loyal even to the point of suppressing their own feelings. The reason she doesn’t feel any dislike for Mitina is because, as a Black Iron Knight, she has no connection to loyalty or pride and does as she pleases.
Thinking about this, the face of a certain person flashed through Mitina’s mind. For some reason, he must have been the reason Istaria had come to this conclusion.
“Could it be that Kyelse-dono is the cause?”
“Yes, that’s right. What an idiot. You’re so stubborn, you’ll never be able to become a selfless knight.”
“Ahaha…”
Istaria’s dismissal of the idea was so brilliant that a wry smile unconsciously appeared on her face.
“Ever since Kyelse dreamed of becoming a knight, she’s always been pushing herself too hard, you know? She said it was to help people like a knight would, but she ended up throwing up because she resisted touching her for too long, or she got insomnia because she tried to sleep in an unfamiliar bed, and while all that was going on, she couldn’t calm down unless she took a bath multiple times…”
“I-Is that so?”
Mitina is surprised as Istaria reveals more and more about Kyelse’s past.
Up until now, she had been training him to get over his obsessive-compulsive disorder so as not to cause him any trouble for Istaria, but it seemed that she had already been struggling with his obsessive-compulsive disorder.
“I told him many times that if it was that hard for him, he should give up on becoming a knight. I was amazed at how stubborn he was. I felt like I was fighting against him and I began to dislike knights too.”
Kyelse, who admired knights and aspired to become one herself, must have had to endure many things in order to achieve that. Istaria had always watched as she suffered and grew worn out each time.
Perhaps this caused her to lose her positive outlook on knights, as she began to believe that beneath their well-groomed exteriors lies pain suppressed by pride and loyalty.
While Mitina was convinced by that story, she couldn’t help but think that Istaria had been by Kyelshe’s side all this time, watching over him and worrying about him.
“Lady Istaria has always been by Kyelse’s side and worried about her.”
“Oh, don’t get the wrong idea. We are more like old friends than childhood friends, and everyone around us got tired of dealing with Kyelse and started pushing all of her problems onto me.”
“I, I see…?”
Hearing this, I couldn’t help but suspect that King Regula had chosen Istaria as his first choice for similar reasons.
“Besides, I’ve never really gotten along with Kyelse. She always looked down on me, refused to admit her mistakes, and was defiant. I can’t count the number of times I wanted to knock her out.”
“Ahaha…”
“But you still looked after me–“
Istaria looked down with a somewhat sad look in her eyes. Then, she looked at Mitina, who was listening to her story intently, and spoke as if she had made up her mind.
“It wasn’t Kyelse’s fault that she had that kind of personality, that she became a severe germaphobe, or that she suffered while aiming to become a knight.”
“Any other reasons?”
Mitina asked, wondering if it was okay to ask this.
The answer to that question has long remained a mystery.
“Kyelse’s parents. They passed away in an accident quite some time ago…”
“Kyelse-dono’s parents…”
“Have you heard that story from Kyelse? …Of course not. That girl loves her parents very much, so she doesn’t like them saying bad things about her.”
Istaria said with a wry smile. The reason why Kyelse considered it taboo to talk about her parents was because she didn’t want them to be criticized.
Then, as if she had just come up with a great idea, she suddenly broke into a bright smile.
“Kyelse will never tell me anyway, so I’ll tell Mitina.”
“Eh, no, it’s fine. You can’t just go into someone’s past without permission…”
“It’s fine. It’s not something worth hiding, and I think that deep down she probably wants Mitina to know.”
However, Istaria lightly tapped the hesitant Mitina on the shoulder and smiled softly. When Istaria was surprised by her expression of kindness, she murmured,
“Above all, I want her to know, to see her as she really is.”
With that said, Istaria began to speak.
For Kyelse, her childhood was one in which she had nothing to be ashamed of; it was a happy one, filled with love.
But it was a story of a very distorted, warmthless family.
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