Rejection, Pleading, and Hesitation
“Are Istaria and I a good match? Did you mistakenly think that I liked her?”
“Yes, that’s true. You always got jealous whenever I got close to Lady Istaria.”
When I answered in a dismissive manner, Kyelse was stunned for a moment, but then she immediately glared at me with a stern expression, while still feeling embarrassed.
“Oh, that wasn’t you, I was just jealous of Istaria!”
“yes?”
“He touches you all over without my permission, and goes shopping with you alone… there’s no way I can just ignore that.”
“It’s just a friendship between two women, so what is there to be jealous of?”
“Shut up! And I just didn’t like it!”
Kyelse must have simply felt that seeing the friendly Istaria getting along well with Mitina might take her away from her. Mitina’s cold attitude towards Kyelse was probably one of the reasons that fuelled his anxiety.
He stared at Mitina with a dissatisfied look on his face for a while, then he took a deep breath, his expression became serious, and he gently shook Mitina’s hand.
“With this… the misunderstanding has been cleared up. The one I love is not Istaria…”
Kyelse looked nervous and wavered, but then she quickly looked straight at Mitina and said with a blushing face.
“I love you.”
“…………”
Mitina was silent when confronted with the confession. However, she ignored her wavering heart and the guilt that was assaulting her, and told herself that she had already come to an answer.
“I’m very sorry, but I cannot respond to your feelings, Kyelse-dono.”
“Huh… why!”
“Because I don’t have any of the feelings that you have, Kyelse-dono.”
Saying that so clearly made it even harder for her to look at Kyelse’s face. What kind of expression was he wearing right now? Just thinking about it made her heart ache.
“You wanted to stay with me forever.”
“…Kyelse-san, didn’t you realise that? I’m someone who is driven by money, so there’s no way I’d live with you for free.”
There was no way that a man as smart as Kyelse wouldn’t notice that. There was no way that Mitina, who was so obsessed with money, would follow an order from the king without any reward.
No, even if he hadn’t noticed, he would despise her as a cruel woman who had deceived him for money. That’s what she thought in her mind, so Mitina spoke while trying to hold back her trembling voice.
His reaction was a silence filled with shock, as if I had been hit right to the point.
In truth, he had probably known for a long time that the only reason Mitina was by his side was to receive a reward.
“I was your hated fiancé, the one who pushed you to quickly make the decision to get married. That’s why I’ve been by your side until now.”
“That’s not possible…”
“If you were to marry someone else, such as Lady Istaria, then my mission would be complete. That’s how it was supposed to be. Even now, my role hasn’t changed.”
At first, that was the case.
Mitina was someone Kyelse never wanted to marry, and she definitely didn’t want her to be her fiancée. So, in order to avoid her, Kyelse had to hurry up with the marriage. Mitina was only there to motivate her.
But then everything changed.
“So, I’m troubled by the fact that someone shows me affection.”
“…! My lord, you want to marry me, don’t you? If that’s the case, there will be no problem if you marry me. And then, my lord’s wish will come true. Even you.”
“…”
“You should be able to get the money you want.”
Kyelse’s reasoning was also reasonable. Mitina’s main goal was to marry Kyelse and receive the reward. Being the villain was merely one of the means to achieve that goal.
Even if he ended up marrying her, King Regula would probably not mind and would give him the reward he promised. So, even if she accepted Kyelse’s feelings, she would be able to achieve her goal.
But she couldn’t nod.
“…I have no intention of marrying Kyelse-dono.”
“Why”
His voice was trembling as he asked why. His hand was shaking as it held Mitina’s, but he still tightly intertwined their fingers as if he didn’t want to let go.
Though she was nearly crushed by guilt, Mitina stared at the floor as if waiting for the storm to pass, desperately praying in her heart that she would give up quickly.
She gasped as a drop of water dripped onto the floor, and involuntarily raised her head to look at him.
“Kyelse, who?”
His beautiful eyes were moist with tears, which overflowed endlessly and then dripped onto the floor.
“Why, why do I… I love you so much, why do you… not love me!?”
“――”
“I’m beautiful, talented, have status and money, I’m perfect… you care about me so much, you cherish me so much, so why don’t you like me…!”
Kyelse said this with great emotion. It seemed odd that he didn’t like her, even though she loved him so much.
Those were words that sounded just like him. But the words that followed, saturated with his love for Mitina, pierced her heart.
“My personality?! So you really don’t like my personality! That’s how it is.”
Crying like a child, he rests his cheek against Mitina’s hand that he has been holding all this time, and mutters in a weak, pleading voice.
“If you don’t like it, I’ll fix it… I’ll do anything to make you like me…”
“…………”
“This is the first time I’ve felt this way. Just thinking about you makes me love you, I love you so much that it makes me feel like I’m going crazy… That’s why, being with me is important.”
Sniffling, Kyelse looked more exhausted than anyone had ever seen her look on her face, and hugged Mitina longingly.
“You’re the one I want to be with forever”
Overflowing with emotion, but gently so as not to hurt Mitina, he tightened his arms.
It had always been like that. Kyelse had always been careful not to treat her roughly. In place of her treating her carelessly, she wanted to treat her better than anyone else.
“Mitina, I love you, I love you… so please stay by my side forever…”
My chest felt tight, my throat felt tight as if someone was choking me, and a sharp pain ran through the back of my nose.
Unable to bear the pain that was welling up inside her, Mitina found herself hugging him as he clung to her. She didn’t want to hurt him, she wanted to cherish him, and her heart felt like it was going to burst.
However, her raised arms did not touch his back, but instead touched his arms as if to push him away.
“No, you’re wrong.”
“M-Mitina, why…”
“Because… a cruel woman like me is not worthy of you, Kyelse-dono. There is someone else who is prettier and more worthy of you.”
She spat out the words as if squeezing them out, half-obstinately feeling that she simply must not accept him.
“I’m a commoner with no family background, an abandoned child, my magical talent is not just average, it’s inferior, I can’t even control myself… I deceived you for money, so I’m not going to let someone like you get involved with me…”
Desperately, she tried to phrase things as if she was praying that he shouldn’t even say that he liked a woman like her, that he would despise and hate her with all his heart.
However, such a desperate resolve was meaningless.
“Do you also treat me like an ornament?”
Her heart leapt at those words.
“I said that you are the one, but you’re telling me that another woman is better for me and that I should fall in love with her…!”
“Huh…”
“You were the one who said that it would be fine if I could just live my life the way I wanted to… But you’re going to ignore my feelings too and decide for yourself where I should be!”
“No, I just…”
That wasn’t what I meant, and even though I tried to say it, it seemed to her too.
Until now, Kyelse had been the one who had been dictated to her by others because of her talent and strength.
He told me that I was strong and beautiful, and that I should fall in love with someone more deserving of it than some half-baked person like me.
I should have known how much it had hurt him.
“Why, why not… It’s true that you’re foul-mouthed and cheeky, insensitive and lazy, and unfriendly… but I still like you, to me.”
His lips touch her cheek longingly. His hands caress her hair lovingly, making her wavering heart tremble even more.
“You’re the one who taught me warmth, I love you so much, I can’t stand it.”
“……I”
“If you didn’t have that intention from the beginning, then why, why did you teach me this?”
His words, full of pain, pierced her heart, and the pain tormented her more than any deep wound.
“Why did you touch me? Why were you so kind to me? Why… why did you hold me so many times? Was it really all for money…?”
Mitina was speechless and unable to answer, so he pleaded with her to tell him it wasn’t true. Then, as if he was seeking her, he gently pressed his lips against hers.
“Please, Mitina… stay by my side.”
Would everything be fine if she just accepted the situation? Once again, she felt disgusted with herself for thinking such a selfish idea.
He also realized that Kyelse truly wanted him. No matter how cruelly she had treated him, he realized that she wanted him to stay by her side forever.
That’s why she is.
“–sorry”
“Mitina…”
“I couldn’t do it after all. I can’t live with you like this.”
Once she realized how cruel she had been to Kyelse up until now, there was no way she could take his hand.
Calculating and selfish, cold-hearted and insensitive.
He was so dismayed at his own ugliness, stupidity, shallowness and vileness that he felt more than just disappointment; he even wanted to kill him.
He saved my life. He cared for me. He was kind to me.
Even though he loved me so much――
For money, they played with his feelings, trampled on his heart, his pride, everything.
They treated him like an object, claiming it was for his sake, and ignored his wishes and pushed him away.
There’s no way I could forgive a woman like that.
“Wait, don’t go, Mitina…!”
Ignoring the voice calling out to her, Mitina ran away again.
As I continued running, my chest started to feel tighter and tears started to flow endlessly from my eyes. Even though I hadn’t run that far, I soon found myself out of breath and my throat was in so much pain I thought I was bleeding.
With nowhere to go, she ran to the deserted grounds of the royal castle. She hid in the shadows of the buildings and cowered, wanting to just bury herself in the earth forever.
“I want to disappear…”
It was surely a pure, personal feeling that she had finally been able to put into words.
Protecting my hometown, repaying the kindness of those I care about, and earning money to do so all seemed unimportant at the time.
She simply could not forgive herself for hurting Kyelse so badly, it was painful and agonizing.
With all my heart, I wished to disappear without a trace.
“—Mitina.”
“…!”
After crouching for a while, she suddenly heard a voice from an out-of-nowhere place. She started, her shoulders trembling, and looked up, then burst into tears at the person standing right next to her.
“Zeffen, Captain… I…”
“Tell me what happened.”
Zeffen knelt down and spoke to her in a gentle voice. Hearing that voice that always guided her, she cried out the words.
“I, I did terrible things to Kyelse-dono… I, I did terrible things to that innocent and kind person…”
“Yeah”
“When I realized that, I thought… we couldn’t be together anymore. I’ve only hurt you, Kyelse-dono…”
Hearing those words, Zeffen gave a small, painful smile and, as always, patted Mitina on the head.
“I’m sure Kyelse doesn’t think that Mitina is always hurting her.”
“That’s not true…!”
Mitina shook her head, not needing such comforting words.
I had hurt Kyelse. That was an undeniable fact. After all, he had been crying with such a painful look on his face.
“Oh my…”
Muttering in a weak, trembling voice, Mitina crouched down again. Zeffen gently lowered his eyes to her. Still, he spoke to her kindly.
“No matter how careful we are, sometimes we hurt someone with something trivial. At the same time, sometimes we save someone without even realizing it.”
“I don’t need that kind of comfort. Please scold me, be angry with me, Captain…”
“…You were so whiny when I took away your reward for defeating the demonic beasts, but now you’re scolding me, huh?”
Perhaps remembering Mitina, who hadn’t shown much remorse at the time, he gave a small smile and muttered fondly. After all, his words revealed his deep affection for Kyelse, which he couldn’t hide no matter how hard he tried.
“You can’t forgive what you did to Kyelse, so much so that you want to be scolded.”
“…”
“That’s how strongly you feel about Kyelse, Mitina.”
“… Captain.”
When he slowly raised his head again, Zeffen was smiling gently, just like always.
“Do I really care about Kyelse-dono? Even though I treated him so cruelly, I still love him.”
“I’m sorry, but that’s not something I can teach you. I’m sure you’ll have to think it through carefully, find the answer yourself, and accept it.”
As she stared at Zeffen in confusion, not understanding what he meant, he stroked her head again.
“I think Mitina needs some time alone to think. It would be good if she could find the answer to what she wants to do.”
“What do you want to do…?”
“Yes. I think love and romance are still difficult for you, Mitina. That’s because you can’t see yourself… So, put aside thoughts of work and money and think about yourself and Kyelse.”
If you do that, you’ll surely find the answer. Zeffen muttered as he stood up and told me to return to my lodgings once I’d calmed down.
“Don’t worry, I’ll let Kyelse know. Just make sure you don’t push yourself too hard at work.”
Seeing Zeffen looking just like usual was a relief to Mitina, who had been cornered by the incident with Kyelse. The pressure in her chest that had been building up until just now felt a little better.
After watching Zeffen quietly leave, she dropped her eyes to the ground again, but wiped away her tears with her hand.
And I tried to gently face my heart, which I had been unable to touch for so long, and myself.
Leave a Reply